whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
