she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
