Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
