Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
