omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
