His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
They should really pass out barf bags in church
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
