sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I need water and some morals
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
