I accidentally burped into my bong.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
