so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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