Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
