now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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