Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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