1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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