I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
