I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
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