just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
