I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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