think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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