I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
