She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
