I think my fart just growled at me.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
