Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Randomize
