i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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