i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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