im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
