"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
