dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
