I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
