it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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