somebody snuck up and got me drunk
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize