take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
either way he was missing a nipple.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
