So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
