I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
