Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
