24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
