Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
