I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
