So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
