The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
