A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
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