Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
