My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
