Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
