It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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