guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
