i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
