considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize