What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
