How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I need to calm my uterus...
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize