saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize