You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
