You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
