Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
