Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
