I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
