Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
