You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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