She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
