he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
