my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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