I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
