Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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