help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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