so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
