last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
