You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
