hell yes lets make some ravioli
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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