Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I feel like abortions should bother me more
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
