So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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