i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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