So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize
