Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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