you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
