I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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