Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Randomize
