Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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