Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Randomize
