when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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