The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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