your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
