My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
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