we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
