Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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