Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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