she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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