it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
