someone threw a dead crab at me
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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