we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
