i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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