Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
