Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
