Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
