I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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