just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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