It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Do vagina's smell?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
false alarm, still single
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
