If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
