In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
