Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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