I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
