Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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