FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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